Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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