I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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