umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
