whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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