In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
