I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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