he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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