I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
