Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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