babies were throwing up all over the place
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
