Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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