We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize