On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
