when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
