I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
