if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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