thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
