I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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