How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
