If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
