there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
