I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
