How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
