If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
