Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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