i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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