I need to stop coming to work sober
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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