Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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