i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
