so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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