Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
