Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
