I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
