she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
