Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize