i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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