i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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