I'm gonna have a badass scar
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize