When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
