Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
