I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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