i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
