Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
