apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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