I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
