I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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