he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't turn off my feet"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize