I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
