I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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