Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
