I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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