No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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