I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
