So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
