sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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