Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
