apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
