I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
