I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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