I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
