its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
