they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
