Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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