This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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