Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
