Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
