My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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