He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
