You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize