i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize