I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
