i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
