My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
