I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
