She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
