You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize