There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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