Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
