So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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