I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
