what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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