I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
