Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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