i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
