Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
