I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
