Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize